| Author | Message | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1515 Registered: 11-2004 |
We handle her easy now, like those thin drinking glasses from the dime store. Nobody raises their voice anymore. It’s all hush! and Tiptoe! The blinds stay shut. Sick headache, that’s what they say. But I have seen her on the porch, lips moving and I know that she is counting. Once she told me how many stones lined the long dirt drive, the number so absurd, but I knew it was precise. Before, when she went away, I would slip into her closet and search for her between the dresses hung like fragrant cocoons. I remember how she shone before she shed the pretty husk of reason. I’m the oldest so it falls to me to maintain a fire line around her, keep the little ones busy and quiet. I bring her things on silent feet, sliced oranges and damp cloths. I smell her lilac talc, hear her sighs. When she hands me back her empty glass I hold it like a jewel. I have learned some things. If this glass breaks it cuts me. I count the steps back to the kitchen. | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3243 Registered: 07-2002 |
Oh, Dale, I can't tell you how much this piece moved me. You have captured the specificity of this so beautifully with lines like: Once she told me how many stones lined the long dirt drive, the number so absurd, but I knew it was precise. and I bring her things on silent feet, sliced oranges and damp cloths. I smell her lilac talc, Yet, also the universal: I’m the oldest so it falls to me to maintain a fire line around her, and I have learned some things. If this glass breaks it cuts me. I count the steps back to the kitchen. Bravo, Dale. This is a fine work. As Mr. B says, 'be pleased'. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Teresa White
Valued Member Username: teresa_white Post Number: 201 Registered: 01-2005 |
Dale, This is excellent writing --so many vivid images and it's packed with emotional content. I think my favorite line is "I remember how she shone before she shed the pretty husk of reason." Wow, quite original. Truly enjoyed, Teresa | ||
| Lazarus
Valued Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 148 Registered: 10-2005 |
I love the way this flows. It's sad to think this kind of love is very rare these days. Once you've "shed the husk of reason" nowadays, you can also loose everyone who would have ever cared about you. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Intermediate Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 748 Registered: 08-2005 |
It's just my own measure: if you feel it, it's poetry. And I felt this all the way to my heart. So beautiful and real. And you, the tender care giver. Just lovely. | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 3024 Registered: 07-2003 |
Dale, wonderful writing here, when she lost the pretty husk of reason.... and yet able to count every stone. Sounds like my elderly Mum whom I care for. I know those silent feet too.  | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5713 Registered: 11-1998 |
Excellent choice of perspective and voice, Dale. Told through the words and eyes of the eldest child, this takes on a poignancy that would be lost if it came from an outside narrator. The pain in this one is just like those thin drinking glasses. You feel as the reader, if you read too hard, everything will splinter. Great work! | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1522 Registered: 11-2004 |
You know a beautiful, crazy mother is almost a birthright in the south. It seems almost too cliched to write about, so I hesitate to do so. In this case, I'm glad I did. Lisa~ I am delighted that this poem was moving to you. Thank you so much. Teresa~ Thank you very much for your kind words. Lazarus~ Yes,I agree with you. I believe we'd hand over a perscription and go on our merry way these days. Thank you for reading. Morgan~ I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Thank you very much. Zephyr~ The role of the caregiver is a hard one, but it is a honor to give in that way, also. Thank you. M~ Thank you... and not a whisper of the "p" word! Hooray!!  Your comments brought a smile. take care all~dale |
